If you or a loved one has experienced addiction, you’ve probably engaged in many adult conversations with other adults about this topic. Perhaps with therapists, your romantic partner, and peers in AA meetings.
But how in the world are you supposed to break this complicated and seemingly “inappropriate” subject to children? The most daunting discussion may be with your child.
It’s natural to want to protect children’s innocence, particularly when discussing addiction. However, children are perceptive and know when something is wrong.
They need to be clued into addiction if it impacts a parent or other close relative. Children need to be able to trust their caregivers in order to feel secure, which means honesty is critical. Defining addiction in terms they understand can make a difference in connecting with them.
So, when explaining alcohol addiction, it is key to tailor the conversation to the child’s age and level of understanding. The following tips will help you do this with different age groups and improve communication.
How to explain addiction to a child
Approximately 7.5 million U.S. youths live in a home where at least one parent is battling alcoholism.1 If you’re reading this article, you might love a child who is part of this staggering statistic.
And as if battling addiction or helping someone through recovery wasn’t hard enough, realizing you need to explain what’s going on to a child probably feels impossible.
Imagine you’re a child or teen who is realizing their parent is abusing alcohol. Learning that someone you love is powerless in the face of this substance can be life-altering. It’s not uncommon for a child to wonder if their parent is choosing alcohol over them.
When explaining alcohol addiction to a young child, the focus should be on simple explanations and reassurance.
For teens and older children, on the other hand, an honest and open discussion including scientific facts and risk factors may be more helpful.
Talking points for parents
The most intimidating part of the puzzle? Initiating the conversation and knowing when or how to do it. The child’s age determines how to navigate this discussion, which we will explore ahead.
How to talk to a child about addiction (Ages 4-12)
Choosing your words when talking to young children about addiction is an art; however, your approach should depend on your child’s specific personality and needs.
Some concepts are over their heads, and they’re information sponges that can interpret information literally at times.
But this discussion doesn’t need to feel formal; you don’t need to script your words perfectly. If you keep the following tips in mind, you will show your child that you care about them – and that’s what matters most.
| 5 Tips for Talking to a Young Child | Examples of What to Say |
| Keep it simple and reassuring | “Some people have trouble stopping once they start drinking. That’s called addiction.” |
| Emphasize that addiction is an illness and isn’t their fault | “Just like people can get sick with a cold or diabetes, addiction is a sickness that makes it really hard for someone to stop drinking.” “It’s not because they are bad or don’t love us—it’s because their brain is sick and needs help.” “You didn’t do anything to cause this. Addiction is never a child’s fault.” |
| Talk about how addiction affects behavior | “Sometimes people with addiction say or do things they don’t mean because alcohol changes how their brain works.” |
| Create a safe space for open communication | “It’s okay to feel sad, mad, or confused. You can always talk to me or another trusted adult.” |
| Keep them safe and reassured | “It’s not your job to fix this. Adults are working to help.” “If you ever feel scared or unsafe, always tell me or another grown-up you trust.” |
While they probably don’t fully understand the grip addiction has on their parent, gentle analogies can provide visuals in a way that’s relatable and understandable for children.
How to talk to a teen about addiction (ages 13+)
While discussing addiction with a teen means you can be more upfront and candid, it may also feel difficult for other reasons.
Often, adults worry that discussing addiction will cause a teen to seek out substance use themselves. Yes, this is a valid concern. But it shouldn’t interfere with being open and honest so long as your talks are short and frequent.2
Be sure to ask your teen if they’re ready to talk – they may feel resistant to discussing these matters or be preoccupied with something else. Consider the following tips, which prioritize a relationship built on safety and connection.
Talking about addiction doesn’t have to happen all at once–it will be a conversation that occurs over time. Foster an environment where your child or teen feels safe asking questions about addiction.
| 6 Tips for Talking to a Teen | Examples of What to Say |
| 1. Be honest and provide more details | “Alcohol affects the brain, and it’s tough for your to control how much they drink.” “Addiction isn’t just a habit—it’s a disease that makes the brain crave alcohol even when it’s harmful.” |
| 2. Explain why people become addicted | “Some people are more at risk of addiction because of their genetics, stress, or mental health struggles.” “At first, drinking might seem like fun or a way to escape problems, but over time, it can take over their life.” |
| 3. Discuss the impact on the family | “Addiction affects not just the person drinking, but also the people around them.” “It can cause fights, broken trust, and emotional pain. That’s why support is important.” |
| 4. Reassure them it’s not their fault or problem to fix | “You didn’t cause this, and you can’t fix it on your own.” “Loving someone with addiction can be really hard, but there are ways to cope.” |
| 5. Talk about setting boundaries | “You don’t have to accept hurtful behavior, and it’s okay to step back when needed.” |
| 6. Create a safe space for seeking support | “If you ever need to talk about this, I’m always here.” |
Using analogies to help teens understand addiction can be helpful. Teens can resist childish examples, so relatable examples can help you get on their level.
Effects of addiction on families
Addiction of any kind disrupts family dynamics, impacting children and teens in particular.3 Strained parent-child relationships and emotional turmoil are common with addiction, creating a tense home environment.
Despite frequent breakdowns in communication, a family impacted by addiction can foster mutual trust and reassurance when it comes to talking about addiction.
Part of this process involves seeking outside support from family therapy or education to avoid feelings of isolation and shame. It’s hard work, but connecting with your children and teens with age-appropriate conversations is completely possible.
Sources
- https://www.niaaa.nih.gov/alcohols-effects-health/alcohol-topics/alcohol-facts-and-statistics/consequences-families-united-states ↩︎
- https://magazine.medlineplus.gov/article/8-tips-for-talking-and-listening-to-your-teens-about-drugs-and-alcohol#:~:text=When%20it%20comes%20to%20talking,with%20their%20parents%20and%20guardians. ↩︎
- https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC3725219/ ↩︎
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