How to Help an Alcoholic Spouse

Learn how to support a spouse with alcohol addiction (while prioritizing your own well-being) with these practical tips.

Supporting a spouse with alcoholism can feel overwhelming – but you don’t have to navigate it alone. This guide covers how to encourage your spouse to seek help, set healthy boundaries, and not let your own well-being fall by the wayside.

Living with a husband or wife who struggles with alcohol use disorder – and trying to figure out how to help your alcoholic spouse – can be an incredibly isolating experience.

After all, you are the person who is probably most directly impacted by your partner’s drinking – even with a solid support system, it can feel like no one understands. Maybe you also find yourself hesitating to reach out for help, out of embarrassment or fear of judgment.

Which is why figuring out how to support a partner with alcoholism – while not abandoning your own well-being at the same time – is such an emotional and exhausting process.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed or unsure how to help, know that you are not alone. In this article, we’ll explore ways to support your spouse while also prioritizing your own needs.

Because, no matter how you choose to handle your unique situation, there is a universal truth: You can’t fill up someone else’s tank if you’re running on empty. Taking care of yourself is just as important as supporting your loved one.

Editor’s note: When we talk about an “alcoholic,” we’re referring to someone who is struggling with an alcohol use disorder. While the term “alcoholic” is still widely used, it is outdated and can sometimes carry negative connotations and judgment, which can hinder understanding and compassion. In certain instances, we do include “alcoholic” to ensure that a wide range of individuals – who adopt a wide range of terms – can easily find and access our resources. However, it’s more accurate and empathetic to use the phrase “person with an alcohol use disorder.” This term reflects the complexity of the condition rather than ascribing it to someone as a personality trait. 

6 tips for supporting a spouse with alcoholism

Simply recognizing that your spouse does in fact have alcoholism is much of the battle. Their addiction didn’t spring up overnight; it may have taken you a while to even acknowledge their struggles.

Here are some ideas to consider when you’re exploring your options, thinking about how to start a productive conversation with them, and determining if you should do more. While your spouse is the one ultimately responsible for their recovery, it helps to understand what steps you can take when deciding how to help an alcoholic spouse.

how to help an alcoholic spouse infographic tips with dos or don'ts

1. Encourage them to fully face their alcohol addiction

The first thing your spouse needs to do is recognize that their drinking is problematic. You may feel considerable pressure as the person handling this task. Denial is common among people struggling with alcoholism, which makes this step feel daunting. 

Approach the conversation with your spouse with empathy and without judgment. Use specific examples of harmful behavior, as well as “I” statements to express concern and reduce their defensiveness. However, if your spouse continually refuses to acknowledge the issue, it may indicate that they are resistant to change.

2. Educate yourself about alcoholism

Without understanding the addiction experience (assuming you don’t) – or having an addiction yourself – it can be hard to know why they “won’t just stop drinking.” While infuriating, the addiction is not entirely their fault.

Foster a better understanding of what your spouse is going through. Learn about the causes and triggers of their drinking, either from research or by talking with them, to create an empathetic environment. Even though it’s still upsetting, understanding what leads them to drink will help you help them.

It’s also critical to understand the impact of alcohol on the brain and body as you decide how to help a loved one best.

While educating yourself about alcoholism, take some time to research treatment and recovery options in your area. Alcoholism takes many forms, and there are multiple levels of intervention available. While your spouse might not require inpatient or residential treatment, an outpatient or support group setting could be appropriate.

3. Encourage professional help

Once your spouse acknowledges the problem, professional help may be needed. Interventions and treatment options include therapy, inpatient and outpatient rehabilitation programs, support groups like Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) or SMART Recovery, or medical treatment. 

Suggesting counseling or therapy for your spouse might feel daunting, depending on how they perceive their alcoholism. If they’re ready to seek help, this conversation could be drastically different than if they’re resistant or unaware that their problem has escalated. 

Photo by Neil Thomas on Unsplash

Simply starting the recovery process is the hardest part for many people, and your spouse may want your guidance to get the ball rolling.

To make this process easier for everyone involved, you could offer to accompany your spouse to appointments or attend a support group. Spending time together exploring local rehab facilities and detox programs could also help your husband or wife feel less alone.

However, sometimes, significant outside intervention is warranted. Residential treatment and even emergency medical services may be necessary. If your spouse is a danger to themselves or others or experiencing dangerous withdrawal symptoms, call 911 or a crisis line. Safety is crucial in the event of an emergency.

4. Set and maintain boundaries

Supporting a spouse with alcoholism doesn’t mean sacrificing your well-being. Establishing healthy boundaries is essential to protect yourself: Your emotional and mental well-being count on it. 

Boundaries you set might include the following:

  • Limiting financial support for buying more alcohol
  • Avoiding enabling behaviors
  • Choosing not to consume alcohol in your home for personal or social gatherings
  • Insisting on respectful communication
  • Establishing clear limits and expectations

If these boundaries are repeatedly crossed, it could be a sign that your spouse is not ready for recovery or that you need to take a different approach.

Photo by Sapan Patel on Unsplash

5. Monitor progress for your spouse in recovery

Recovery from alcoholism is often not a straight path, and relapses can occur. So, it’s important to remain supportive but also realistic. Monitoring progress means recognizing efforts toward recovery while acknowledging setbacks.

Consistent, prolonged relapse or a refusal to stay in treatment may mean you need to reassess your role in the relationship.

In addition to adjusting expectations, patience is imperative. We all want our loved ones to recover and move on with their lives as soon as possible. However, there’s a fine line between pushing someone to succeed and giving them some grace as they follow their path toward eventual recovery.

It’s also okay to lean on professional guidance from a therapist or support system to determine your responsibilities when supporting your spouse, at different points along their journey.

Furthermore, celebrating small victories can provide ongoing encouragement and support. Breaking goals into small, tangible mini-goals, such as achieving one week of sobriety at a time, can help your spouse feel motivated to follow through with recovery goals (and help you feel better, too).

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez 🇨🇦 on Unsplash

Tools like BACtrack View, the breathalyzer and app system helping people monitor their sobriety, are perfect for this. BACtrack View lets you and your spouse track (and celebrate) the amount of time they’ve remained sober.

6. Take care of yourself

As a supportive partner, it’s equally vital for you to seek help for yourself. Support groups and therapy provide guidance and community for those affected by a loved one’s alcoholism.

Try your best to maintain personal hobbies and interests. Focusing on your needs and what brings you joy can boost you during this time. Focusing on supportive friendships outside of your marriage can also provide moral support. If your well-being isn’t prioritized, supporting a spouse is nearly impossible.

This remains true even if you have children. While it is your responsibility to ensure a safe and stable home environment for your kids, don’t be afraid to reach out for help. Find trusting adults in your life to help watch children when needed. This can genuinely make a difference in your self-care, because caretaking is hard work.

Resources for Helping an Alcoholic Spouse

You don’t have to feel alone when helping a husband or wife battling alcohol addiction. Yes, there will be moments when you feel helpless. However, this is where outside support can help fill in the gaps.

For family members and spouses of alcoholics, support groups like Al-Anon and SMART Recovery Family and Friends provide tools and encouragement as you navigate this journey.

In terms of tracking your spouse’s progress, tools like BACtrack View make it easy for you to monitor their alcohol use and hold them accountable to their sobriety goals.

Yes, supporting a husband or wife on a recovery journey is challenging. But by understanding how to help an alcoholic spouse, you can encourage them toward recovery with patience, all while protecting your own well-being.

About The Author

Rychel Johnson
Rychel Johnson
M.S., LCPC
Rychel Johnson, M.S., LCPC, is a licensed clinical professional counselor in Lawrence, Kansas. She owns a solo private p... Read More
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