Perhaps, as you’ve browsed social media or read think pieces over the past few years – or revisited your own relationship with alcohol – you’ve stumbled across the term “sober curious.” But what does this really mean?
While sober curiosity can apply to substances like marijuana and recreational drugs, it’s mostly used in the context of alcohol. That’s also where I’m going to keep it as we dive into the topic in this post. Here’s what you need to know:
What does “sober curious” mean?
Largely driven by young adults, the sober-curious movement is an organic trend that was actually born out of frustration over the fact that socializing often revolves around alcohol.1
Think about it: For decades, drinking has been at the center of most social interactions by default. We:
- Ask friends or new dates to grab a drink
- Toast to celebrate special occasions
- Gather at the bar or club with friends to unwind after a stressful week.
In many companies and organizations, work culture actually revolves around sticking around for “happy hour” with the team.
What if social interactions could be tolerable, enjoyable, and possibly better without the insertion of alcohol into everything? You may be veering into sober-curious territory if you’ve ever wondered this yourself.
Sober curious really just means taking a more mindful approach to alcohol. The movement is helping to de-stigmatize the choice to simply not drink when you don’t feel like drinking. However, the term is nuanced.
Next, let’s step into what being sober curious actually looks like in real-world terms.
Why should I become sober curious?
Many people are motivated to become sober curious because they don’t like the idea of using alcohol to manage stress and anxiety in social situations. They see drinking as a crutch that might be holding them back from a fuller human experience. They’ll happily experience the “difficulty” of facing tough or uncomfortable situations sober for the feeling of being fully present in their lives.
In my experience as a former therapist, I’ve seen many people who decide to become sober curious experience the following benefits:
- Better sleep
- A sense that they aren’t wasting money on alcohol
- Clearer thinking and better mental health
- Having more time to exercise because they don’t experience hangovers
- The confidence of knowing that they are still enjoyable to be around even if they aren’t drinking. Many people assume their friends won’t like them “sober.” In reality, most actually find that social interactions feel more meaningful and satisfying when alcohol isn’t always part of the equation.
- A reduction in risky behaviors associated with their past alcohol use
Who is becoming sober curious? According to recent polls, young adults in the U.S. have become progressively less likely to use alcohol over the past two decades.2 In fact, this same research shows that today’s young adults now vie with elders for the demographic with lowest drinking rate.
If you’re sober curious… do you still drink?
Sober curious isn’t synonymous with being sober. However, that’s the place where it does end for some people who begin the journey.
In essence, being sober curious means embracing moderation and personal judgment. Someone who is sober curious may still partake in alcohol in a limited or moderate way for certain circumstances and occasions. For example, this could look like ordering wine with dinner while skipping shots with friends later in the night. Sober curiosity very much exists on a spectrum.
The spectrum aspect of being sober curious is simultaneously one of its assets and one of its weak points. Being sober curious can work beautifully for someone who doesn’t necessarily have a problematic relationship with alcohol. They may simply want to enjoy the purity and reality of social interactions without the intoxicating influence of alcohol. They may also find that the cost and potential health risks of drinking nearly every time they socialize are simply too much.
The place where I think we can run into trouble with the sober-curious movement is when people who suffer from alcohol use disorder (AUD) decide to explore moderation instead of admitting that they can’t control their relationship with alcohol. Here are signs of AUD – refer to these if you are concerned about the negative repercussions or out-of-control feelings alcohol is bringing into your (or somebody else’s) life:
- While you’ve tried, you cannot successfully limit the amount of alcohol you’re drinking.
- You spend a lot of your time drinking, looking for alcohol, or recovering from drinking.
- Your rising alcohol tolerance is forcing you to drink more and more to get the same effect.
- You feel a strong urge to drink almost all of the time.
- Your drinking has caused you to make major mistakes at work or school. You may even be dropping the ball on responsibilities at home.
- You are giving up things you enjoy just to be able to manage your drinking.
- You’ve done risky things in the name of alcohol. This might include driving while drunk, swimming while drunk, or getting into fights or dangerous situations.
- You have experienced nausea, sweating, headaches, or the shakes when you’ve taken brief breaks from drinking. These are actually withdrawal symptoms.
If any of this sounds familiar, simply becoming sober curious may not be enough. For many people with AUD or sensitivity to alcohol, one sip can be enough to pull you into a spiral of unhealthy behaviors. It’s far smarter to consider speaking with a therapist or using an accountability program.
How to become sober curious in 4 steps
There’s no one-size-fits-all plan for becoming sober curious. Remember that adopting this lifestyle is a voluntary, self-driven action that doesn’t really come with any specific rules.
You can also give yourself permission to change your mind if you feel that an occasion in your life would be enhanced by alcohol. However, I will share some general tips for starting a sober-curious journey below.
1. Take account of your current alcohol intake
In order to see how to pivot, you have to know where you already stand. But our perceptions of how much we’re drinking aren’t always accurate.
As you toy with the idea of becoming sober curious, consider creating a drinking journal or logging your drinks in a sobriety app. In addition to recording how much alcohol you consume throughout the week, jot down what you’re feeling or experiencing during your drinking experiences. This can help you to get a true insight into your current relationship with alcohol.
2. Create your playbook
Make a general plan for how you plan to handle alcohol.
For some, this could mean limiting drinks to a certain number per week. It might also mean abstaining from alcohol for a specific amount of time. For instance, many sober-curious people begin with a “dry” month that allows them to view the world through an alcohol-free lens.
Your plan should also include how you want to handle the absence of alcohol. Consider a new go-to alcohol-free drink or mocktail when you’re ordering drinks with friends. Having a plan will make it easier to avoid slipping into the habit of ordering your usual drink.
Also, decide if you want to let friends and family know they’re becoming sober curious. While answering questions about your choice may feel overwhelming, clueing in the people you socialize with ahead of time could help to remove the pressure to drink. This can be especially helpful if you’re in a social circle where people will “buy a round” for everyone at the table.
However, I would caution against making big, grandstanding declarations against alcohol to friends and family as you begin your sober-curious journey.
Being sober curious is really the opposite of a black-and-white approach to drinking. By being so “loud” about your changing relationship with alcohol, you risk making people who have done nothing wrong feel judged. Of course, that doesn’t mean you can’t politely and graciously extend an invitation to people you know to explore the idea of being sober curious with you.
3. Explore sober activities
If most of your socializing happens at bars, this is a great opportunity to begin exploring sober activities.
What if bar night could be replaced by a dance class or presentation at the local museum? This can also be a great time to join a social sports team or another type of league-based activity in your city. If you’re single, considering adding “sober curious” on Tinder or other dating profiles – or even swiping on sober dating apps like Loosid – to attract people with similar mindsets.
The bottom line: Should you become sober curious?
If you’ve Googled information on becoming sober curious… chances are, alcohol is already impacting your life in ways you’re not thrilled about.
Or, you might also just hate that society often makes us feel like we need to drink to socialize. The great thing about this movement is that it’s all about self-empowerment and self-agency.
But, whatever you choose to do: Be honest with yourself about your relationship with alcohol. If it feels problematic or out of control, you may need to pursue full-time, long-term sobriety. However, being sober curious can be a satisfying and interesting step if you simply want to reexamine the role of alcohol in your life.
The bottom line is that it’s easy to get in a loop where our social lives or professional circles revolve around alcohol. The sober-curious movement is about taking back the right to socialize and live without the crutch of alcohol.
Ultimately, any movement that removes the stigma from refusing a drink is one we should all be enthusiastically curious about!
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