Growing up in a household affected by alcohol use disorder (AUD) leaves enduring emotional and psychological effects that can shape a child’s sense of identity, relationships, and worldview well into adulthood.
Today, over 1 in 10 children in the U.S. live with a parent who has AUD – which clearly show how common this issue is, and how urgent it is to address it.1
Below, we’ll explore:
- The most common traits of adult children of alcoholics (ACoAs)
- How these behaviors develop
- Evidence-based strategies for healing and personal growth
For more context, see our related article: The Effects of Parental Alcoholism on Children.
Editor’s note: When we talk about an “alcoholic,” we’re referring to someone who is struggling with an alcohol use disorder. While the term “alcoholic” is still widely used, it is outdated and can sometimes carry negative connotations and judgment, which can hinder understanding and compassion. In certain instances, we do include “alcoholic” to ensure that a wide range of individuals – who adopt a wide range of terms – can easily find and access our resources. However, it’s more accurate and empathetic to use the phrase “person with an alcohol use disorder.” This term reflects the complexity of the condition rather than ascribing it to someone as a personality trait.
10 common traits of adult children of alcoholics (ACoAs)
Adult children of alcoholics (ACoAs) often carry lasting emotional and behavioral patterns shaped by the instability of growing up in households impacted by alcoholism.
While each individual is unique, research consistently shows that ACoAs are more likely to experience a range of mental health challenges and relationship difficulties.
Here’s an in-depth look at the common traits, and what current studies say about them.
1. Unpredictable emotions and impulsiveness
Growing up with an alcoholic parent often means facing unpredictable emotional climates – where anger, silence, or chaos can erupt without warning. This environment conditions children to always be alert, waiting for the next crisis.
As adults, this childhood often leads to:
- Difficulty managing emotional states
- Impulsive behavior
- Struggles with controlling one’s emotions
- Overreacting to minor stressors
- Making hasty decisions in relationships, jobs, or finances without fully processing consequences
One study found significantly higher rates of somatic symptoms (physical discomfort without a clear medical cause), unstable moods, and overreacting among ACoAs.
In these individuals, this is often modeled from parental behaviors and compounded by inconsistent or absent emotional validation in childhood.2
Example: An adult who was never allowed to express anger as a child may now swing between outbursts and emotional shutdown when confronted with conflict.
2. Hypervigilance, anxiety, and depression
In chaotic or unsafe environments, children often develop hypervigilance – a constant state of scanning for threats. This coping mechanism often persists into adulthood, resulting in chronic anxiety, panic attacks, and depression.
According to researchers:
- There is a strong correlation between childhood exposure to parental alcoholism and elevated anxiety and depressive symptoms in adulthood.3
- Another study highlighted that ACoAs are significantly more likely to experience PTSD-like symptoms even without overt trauma, due to chronic emotional stress and instability.4
Example: An adult may find themselves unable to relax in calm situations or feeling unsafe in safe environments, such as doubting a supportive partner or fearing that stability won’t last. Sustained hypervigilance can also contribute to hyperindependence and refusal to allow oneself to ever rely on anyone else.
3. Emotional suppression and difficulty communicating feelings
In many alcoholic households, expressing emotions may have led to punishment, ridicule, or emotional withdrawal from the parent. To cope, children suppress feelings or disconnect from them entirely.
Alexithymia – difficulty identifying and describing emotions – is a common outcome, making it hard for ACoAs to communicate feelings, even to themselves. In 2022, researchers found that ACoAs are significantly more likely to demonstrate alexithymia and emotional avoidance.5
Example: ACoAs may struggle in therapy or relationships, often saying, “I don’t know what I feel.” They may appear emotionally distant or overly rational in emotionally charged situations. Emotional intelligence is a learned trait, and when punished in childhood, these behaviors become ingrained and take work and patience to break.
4. Low self-esteem and internalized shame
Children often internalize the dysfunction around them, believing they are to blame. This can result in chronic self-doubt, shame, and feelings of unworthiness well into adulthood.
These individuals may develop people-pleasing behaviors, perfectionism, and a fear of failure. They often prioritize others’ needs over their own to gain approval or avoid rejection.
Studies have shown that adults from emotionally invalidating homes – particularly those with addicted caregivers – exhibited low self-esteem and persistent internalized shame.6
Example: An adult might stay in an unhealthy relationship, believing they don’t deserve better or fearing abandonment if they assert their needs.
5. Attachment issues and fear of abandonment
Parental inconsistency or emotional unavailability often leaves ACoAs with attachment wounds – leading to them becoming anxious or clingy, or emotionally distant, in adult relationships.
One popular theory – Bowlby’s attachment theory – underscores how having unreliable caregivers during childhood lays the foundation for these insecure attachment styles.
So, ACoAs commonly report fears of rejection or being “too much” for others.7
Example: ACoAs may sabotage healthy relationships out of fear of being left or may become overly attached to partners who exhibit toxic behaviors.
6. Difficulty trusting others and establishing boundaries
In alcoholic households, boundaries are often blurred or violated. Promises are broken, and children are left emotionally or physically unprotected.
As a result, ACoAs often struggle to trust others, stand up for themselves, or set and maintain personal boundaries.
Example: An adult may say yes to every request at work or avoid confrontation, fearing that asserting themselves will lead to rejection or conflict. This leads to burnout and often a feeling of never being enough.
7. Parentification and over-responsibility
Many ACoAs take on adult roles during childhood – caring for siblings, cleaning up after a parent’s mess, or managing the emotional state of the household.
This “parentification” can lead to a deeply ingrained belief that they are responsible for everyone else’s well-being.
Researchers have found that this early role reversal – the child acting as the parent – leads to codependency, emotional burnout, and self-neglect in adulthood.8
Example: An adult may become the “rescuer” in friendships and romantic relationships, sacrificing their own needs or identity to maintain harmony.
8. Isolation and social withdrawal
Shame about family circumstances often leads children to avoid peers or social situations.
This isolation can become habitual, leaving ACoAs feeling disconnected, lonely, and emotionally unsupported in adulthood.
Example: ACoAs may find it challenging to form close friendships, feeling like outsiders or fearing that others will judge or reject them if they reveal their past.
9. Risk-taking and addictive behaviors
Although some ACoAs avoid alcohol altogether, others develop substance use problems of their own, sometimes mirroring their parents’ behaviors.
According to the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism, children of alcoholics are four times more likely to develop Alcohol Use Disorder (AUD) themselves due to a combination of genetics, environmental exposure, and dysfunctional coping strategies.9
Example: An adult may use alcohol, drugs, food, or shopping to regulate mood or escape from painful emotions, repeating patterns learned at home.
10. Conflict avoidance and addiction to chaos
Growing up in high-conflict homes, many ACoAs associate disagreement with emotional danger. They may avoid conflict at all costs – even when it harms them.
Paradoxically, they may also be drawn to chaotic environments or relationships because stability feels unfamiliar and emotionally distant.
Example: A person might leave a calm and stable partner for someone more unpredictable, misinterpreting emotional intensity or drama as a sign of love.
How can adult children of alcoholics heal and recover?
1. Develop self-awareness
Recognizing long-standing behavioral patterns – such as emotional numbing, people-pleasing, or difficulty with trust- as survival strategies rather than personal failings is a transformative step in recovery.
This shift from self-blame to self-compassion helps ACoAs (Adult Children of Alcoholics) understand that many of their reactions were adaptive responses to early dysfunction.
And, increased self-awareness lays the foundation for change by helping individuals identify what no longer serves them and begin reshaping their sense of identity.
2. See a therapist
Therapies like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) are proven interventions for addressing the emotional challenges ACoAs often face.
CBT helps individuals reframe distorted thought patterns, reduce shame, and break cycles of negative self-talk. DBT, on the other hand, developed specifically for individuals with intense emotional responses, teaches skills for emotion regulation, distress tolerance, and effective interpersonal communication – core struggles for many ACoAs.
3. Find support groups
Peer-led support groups such as Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACA) and Al-Anon provide a nonjudgmental space where participants can share their experiences and gain validation.
These groups foster a sense of belonging and offer structured tools for understanding roles adopted in alcoholic households (e.g., caretaker, scapegoat, lost child).
Research has shown that regularly participating in mutual-help groups is associated with better emotional functioning, reduced feelings of isolation, and improved coping strategies.10
4. Develop healthy coping skills
ACoAs often need to relearn or develop foundational emotional skills. Setting and maintaining boundaries, expressing needs clearly, and managing emotional triggers are key healing components.
Incorporating mindfulness, journaling, guided meditation, or trauma-informed yoga can help regulate the nervous system and reconnect the mind and body.
These approaches support lasting emotional resilience alongside therapy and social support systems.
Adult children of alcoholics’ traits: The bottom line
The long-term effects of growing up with an alcoholic parent are profound, but they are also manageable with support.
By recognizing the origins of harmful patterns, seeking help, and building supportive communities, Adult Children of Alcoholics can break the cycle and cultivate healthier, more fulfilling lives.
Sources
- U.S. Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA). (2020). National Survey on Drug Use and Health. 2020 National Survey on Drug Use and Health (NSDUH) Releases | CBHSQ Data ↩︎
- AlSaad, Hebah & AlSaad, Amal & Khalifah, Zahra & Almogarry, Lubna & Alsaihaty, Essra. (2023). Psychological, Behavioral, and Developmental Impact on Children of Alcoholics. International Journal of Medicine in Developing Countries. 1. 10.24911/IJMDC.51-1672650644. ↩︎
- Fukunishi, I. et al 1992). Alexithymia and depression in families with alcoholics. Psychopathology, 25(6), 326–330. https://doi.org/10.1159/000284790 ↩︎
- Woititz, J. G. (1983). Adult children of alcoholics. Health Communications. ↩︎
- Lakshmi Kumar, Agnes Zhou, Bethany Sanov, Sara Beitler, Carillon J. Skrzynski, Kasey G. Creswell,
Indirect effects of theory of mind on alcohol use and problems in underage drinkers: The role of peer pressure to drink, Addictive Behaviors Reports, Volume 16, 2022, 100468, ISSN 2352-8532, https://doi.org/10.1016/j.abrep.2022.100468. ↩︎ - Bradshaw, J. (2005). Healing the shame that binds you. Health Communications, Inc. ↩︎
- Bowlby, J. (1988). A Secure Base: Parent-Child Attachment and Healthy Human Development. Basic Books. ↩︎
- Chase, N. D. (1999). Burdened Children: Theory, Research, and Treatment of Parentification. SAGE. ↩︎
- National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (NIAAA). (2017). “Children of Alcoholics: Important Facts.” https://www.niaaa.nih.gov/alcohols-effects-health/alcohol-topics/alcohol-facts-and-statistics ↩︎
- Timko, C., et al. (2015). “Social Processes explaining the Benefits of Al-Anon Participation.” Psychology of Addictive Behaviors, 29(4), 856–863. https://doi.org/10.1037/adb0000067 retrieved from https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2015-58335-002 ↩︎
