Planning – or considering – divorcing an alcoholic spouse? Believe me: What you’re going through is far from uncommon.
As a family law attorney, I’ve seen firsthand how Alcohol Use Disorder (AUD) devastates marriages and families — and how difficult it can be to know when it’s time to leave.
Research shows a direct link between alcohol abuse and divorce: Marriages are nearly 50% more likely to end when one partner is a heavy drinker, and alcohol use disorder is one of the top three causes of divorce nationwide. Despite these realities, many of my clients hesitate, weighed down by guilt, fear, or hope that things will change.
So, if divorce is the option you choose, you must be able to demonstrate to a court that you have grounds to divorce. Grounds for divorce in each state may be different. Not every state considers a spouse’s alcoholism, in and of itself, as sufficient grounds to terminate a marriage.
This article explains how alcoholism may or may not be sufficient evidence of grounds for divorce.
Before you file for divorce from your alcoholic spouse, consult with an attorney to determine the grounds for divorce in your state and whether your specific circumstances may satisfy sufficient grounds to terminate your marriage.
Editor’s note: When we talk about an “alcoholic,” we’re referring to someone who is struggling with an alcohol use disorder. While the term “alcoholic” is still widely used, it is outdated and can sometimes carry negative connotations and judgment, which can hinder understanding and compassion. In certain instances, we do include “alcoholic” to ensure that a wide range of individuals – who adopt a wide range of terms – can easily find and access our resources. However, it’s more accurate and empathetic to use the phrase “person with an alcohol use disorder.” This term reflects the complexity of the condition rather than ascribing it to someone as a personality trait.
Want to leave, but don’t think you can? How the court may address your concerns
There may come a point at which you must choose “the lesser of two evils.” If your life with your alcoholic spouse has become intolerable, you must consider the benefits that may result from separating yourself from the relationship.
Of course, you may fear not having a place to live, being unable to support yourself, or losing custody of your children.
But obtaining a divorce often will resolve the issues that prevent you from deciding to leave. In granting a divorce, the court may address all of these concerns by:
- Awarding you the marital home in distributing marital property;
- Awarding you spousal support or alimony so that you can support yourself during and after the divorce;
- Awarding child support so you can provide for your minor children; and
- Awarding you custody of your children or placing restrictions on your spouse’s ability to visit with your children until they participate in recovery options.
If you know it is best to leave but you have concerns about leaving, you should consult with an attorney to determine whether you have grounds for divorce and how a divorce may resolve the concerns that otherwise prevent you from leaving.
Is Alcoholism or AUD grounds for divorce?
It may be, but it depends on your state’s laws.
In every state, before a court will grant a divorce, a spouse must prove to the court that there are sufficient grounds to terminate the marriage.
Every state defines what constitutes sufficient grounds for divorce. You should consult with an attorney to determine the grounds for divorcing an alcoholic in your state and whether your circumstances satisfy the required grounds for a divorce. Grounds for divorce are either “fault” grounds or “no-fault” grounds.
What are “fault” grounds for divorce?
Fault grounds are those acts, behaviors, or circumstances that one spouse commits that the state considers sufficient to justify granting a divorce to the other spouse. A spouse that engages in these acts is considered to be “at fault” for the dissolution of the marriage. Typical fault grounds for divorce include:
- Abuse
- Adultery
- Abandonment
- Incurable insanity
- Impotence
- Felony conviction
- Cruel, inhuman, or barbarous treatment
- General indignities
The spouse filing for divorce must prove that the other spouse engaged in any act defined as grounds for divorce.
If sufficient grounds are proven, the court may then determine issues of the distribution of property, alimony, and custody.
What are “no-fault” grounds for divorce?
No-fault grounds for divorce are reasons for a court to terminate a marriage, even though neither spouse did anything bad or wrong to cause the breakup of the marriage.
The most common no-fault ground for divorce is living separate and apart for a specified period of time without cohabitation. The time period may range from state to state, between six months to three years.
In a no-fault divorce, the spouse seeking the divorce does not have to prove that the other party did something wrong to cause the breakup; as long as the parties have lived separate and apart for the required amount of time, the court may grant a no-fault divorce.
Some states may include other “no-fault” grounds that simply designate that the marriage is no longer functioning or includes conflict that cannot be resolved. States may refer to this no-fault ground as:
- Irreconcilable differences
- Irretrievable breakdown
- Incompatibility
Although every state recognizes some form of no-fault ground for divorce, only certain states still consider fault when deciding whether to terminate a marriage. If you are considering divorcing your spouse, you should consult an attorney to determine whether your state is a fault ground or no-fault ground state.
So, does alcoholism constitute fault or no-fault grounds for divorce?
Generally, it constitutes fault grounds for divorce – but that doesn’t mean your spouse’s drinking is irrelevant in no-fault divorces.
If you’re filing for divorce based on no-fault grounds, the court does not consider which party was at fault for the breakup or what behavior was committed that destroyed the marriage. So, for a no-fault divorce, one spouse’s alcoholism is irrelevant with respect to the reason for the court granting a divorce.
However, even in a no-fault divorce, a spouse’s alcoholism may be extremely relevant to other issues to be decided, such as the equitable distribution of property, alimony, and custody.
For example, if the court finds that the alcoholic spouse dissipated the family’s assets, it may award a greater share of the marital property to the innocent spouse. And if a spouse’s alcohol use is shown to have negative consequences for the children, the court may consider this in awarding custody. In some states, fault may be a prohibition to an award of alimony.
Now, when it comes to fault grounds: There are several ways in which a spouse’s alcoholism or drinking habits may qualify as a fault ground for divorce, depending on how the state defines it.
How a spouse’s drinking habits may qualify as fault grounds for divorce
1. Habitual drunkenness for a specified period of time
Some states may expressly include a spouse’s drinking habits as a fault ground for divorce. For example, a state may include “habitual drunkenness for one year” as a reason for the court to terminate the marriage.
It is then the burden of the spouse seeking a divorce to prove that the other spouse has engaged in alcoholic behavior for the past year in such a way that it has made life intolerable.
The evidence sufficient to satisfy this standard will vary from case to case.
2. Abuse or cruelty
Even if your state does not expressly include habitual drunkenness or intoxication as a ground for divorce, the effect of an alcoholic’s drinking may satisfy another ground.
For example, if your spouse becomes physically or emotionally abusive when he or she drinks, you may be able to satisfy grounds of abuse or cruelty to obtain a divorce based on fault grounds.
3. Abandonment
Often, when a spouse’s alcoholism is so severe that he or she has essentially withdrawn from the family, stopped contributing financially, and shirked his or her family obligations and responsibilities, this may qualify as abandonment and may be sufficient reason for the court to grant a divorce.
4. General indignities
The term “general indignities” can include a broad range of behaviors that may occur when your spouse is intoxicated. It usually refers to behaviors that are emotionally hurtful, embarrassing, disrespectful, or denigrating to the innocent spouse, especially in public.
If your spouse becomes angry and verbally abusive when intoxicated, their behavior could qualify as generally indignant such that a divorce may be warranted.
How to divorce an alcoholic spouse
If your spouse’s drinking places you or your children in imminent risk of harm, you should call the police immediately and leave if you are able to do so safely. However, anyone living with an alcoholic knows that leaving is easier said than done.
If you are contemplating divorcing an alcoholic, here are some things to consider doing (and not doing) in anticipation of filing for divorce:
1. Protect yourself and your children
First and foremost: If your spouse is drinking, try to separate yourself and your children from them. If you sense any danger or feel you are at risk of harm, call the police.
2. Don’t enable your spouse
Enabling your spouse’s alcoholic behavior only makes your situation worse. Directly enabling an alcoholic may include:
- Supplying alcohol
- Providing money to purchase alcohol
- Drinking with your spouse
However, there are many ways you may be enabling your spouse indirectly, without realizing it. This may include:
- Planning or facilitating occasions or events where alcohol is available
- Drinking socially with your spouse
- Lying or making excuses for your spouse
- Denying or ignoring obvious signs of alcoholic behavior
- Not setting boundaries related to your spouse’s drinking
Not only does enabling prolong the problem but, in many states, may actually serve as your spouse’s defense to your grounds for divorce under the doctrines of “recrimination” or “condonation.” How?
Your spouse could defend themselves based on recrimination – if you’re guilty of the same fault. They could also use condonation as a defense if you condone your spouse’s behavior by accepting it or looking the other way.
3. Make a plan for leaving
Unless you are in danger, until you are ready to leave, you should seek help from other family members and friends to be able to leave safely and secure a safe place to live when you are ready.
Be willing to call police if necessary.
4. Keep records
Always record – in writing – incidents in which your spouse’s drinking becomes an issue. Note the date, time, occasion, who was present, and what occurred.
If you’re using an alcohol monitoring system as part of your spouse’s efforts to stay sober, be sure to maintain any records that prove they’ve consumed alcohol, as well as the circumstances under which this occurred (especially if the children were present). Systems like BACtrack View allow you to download PDF reports of your spouse’s alcohol testing activity, which are easy to share in court.
You also may need police reports and medical and financial records to prove to a court that your spouse’s alcoholism has negatively impacted your spouse, as well as you and your children.
Keep all these reports and records organized, in one place – you can use spreadsheet like the free Evidence Tracker & Checklist, crafted by an attorney for custody cases.
Free Evidence Tracker & Checklist for Child Custody
5. Seek legal advice
Before you file for divorce, you should consult with a divorce attorney to understand your options and determine whether you can satisfy grounds for divorce in your state. The records you maintain surrounding your spouse’s drinking habits will go a long way in assisting your attorney to establish sufficient grounds for divorce.
The bottom line on divorcing an alcoholic
Deciding whether to divorce an alcoholic spouse is one of the hardest choices you may ever face. Time and time again in my law practice, I’ve seen clients come to me ready to leave—only to talk themselves into staying. The reasons are familiar:
- “They need my help . . .”
- “If I leave, they will just get worse . . .”
- “I haven’t been supportive enough . . .”
- “I can’t make it on my own financially . . .”
- “It’s a disease. I wouldn’t leave them if they had any other illness . . .”
- “We need to stay together for the sake of the children . . .”
- “My family and friends won’t understand . . .”
- “I still love him/her . . .”
- “He/she said they would change . . .”
- “I can fix it . . .”
These feelings are real and understandable. But as difficult as it is, waiting for an alcoholic spouse to “hit rock bottom” often means years of enabling destructive behavior that harms not only the drinker, but also you and your children.
Ultimately, only you can decide when enough is enough. Every state has its own requirements for proving grounds for divorce, and an experienced family law attorney can help you understand how alcoholism may factor into your case, from custody to property division.
Along the way, tools like BACtrack View can provide clarity.
For supportive spouses, it can reduce the constant anxiety of wondering whether your partner has been drinking. For spouses in recovery, it can serve as a way to demonstrate accountability.
And in divorce proceedings, courts have even used remote alcohol monitoring to support custody arrangements or confirm sobriety. It’s not a solution by itself—but it can be a practical resource as you navigate an already difficult process.
If you are considering divorce, consult with a family law attorney in your state. Protecting yourself and your children should always come first, and there are resources to help you move forward with both clarity and confidence.
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