How does an “alcoholic” parent affect a child? Growing up with alcoholic parents can have profound emotional effects on children, often shaping their sense of self, relationships, and approach to life.
Over 1 out of 10 children in the U.S. live with a parent with alcohol use disorder (AUD). Alcoholism is a serious situation and has an impact beyond the health of the person drinking.1
It’s essential to understand its impact on children if we want to know how a parent’s alcoholism affects child development. Children are particularly vulnerable to the effects of alcoholism in the home, experiencing a range of effects on emotional, psychological, and social well-being and development.
Editor’s note: When we talk about an “alcoholic,” we’re referring to someone who is struggling with an alcohol use disorder. While the term “alcoholic” is still widely used, it is outdated and can sometimes carry negative connotations and judgment, which can hinder understanding and compassion. In certain instances, we do include “alcoholic” to ensure that a wide range of individuals – who adopt a wide range of terms – can easily find and access our resources. However, it’s more accurate and empathetic to use the phrase “person with an alcohol use disorder.” This term reflects the complexity of the condition rather than ascribing it to someone as a personality trait.
Emotional impact of having alcoholic parents
The impact of “alcoholic” parents spreads beyond being around someone who drinks too much. Many alcoholic parents may be relatively functional; however, it doesn’t mean that their children escape the emotional impact of their alcoholism.
Children can feel constant uncertainty and unpredictability when a parent’s behaviors are erratic from drinking. They may worry about their own safety and well-being while also being preoccupied with their parent’s well-being. Sadly, a child may even blame themselves for a parent’s addiction.
Emotional suppression can develop as a survival mechanism – a child doesn’t want to add stress to the situation or provoke adverse reactions from parents or a visit from social services. Over years of stuffing emotions, a child may grow into an adult who struggles to identify or process feelings in a healthy manner.
Children from these environments may internalize their parent’s struggles and treatment, often feeling less valued or loved. These self-worth issues can lead to patterns of seeking external validation or tolerating unhealthy relationships after a childhood of feeling abandoned or unseen. An unpredictable environment doesn’t help.
Psychological Effects
The home environment created by alcohol use can be unpredictable, chaotic, and, at times, traumatic, and the coping mechanisms children develop may persist even when they’re no longer in that environment.
Research shows that children of alcoholics have a higher risk of developing anxiety, depression, or addiction issues themselves.2 They are often more vulnerable to substance abuse, given the normalization of alcohol or coping mechanisms seen in their parents.
The psychological impact of having alcoholic parents is real, causing mental health issues such as:
- Anxiety – The constant unpredictability of an alcoholic parent can make children feel as though they’re always on edge, leading to hypervigilance. This heightened alertness can make it difficult for them to relax, even in safe situations.
- Depression – Children of alcoholics may experience deep sadness and a sense of helplessness due to a lack of control over their environment. This feeling of powerlessness can lead to long-term depression and negatively impact their motivation and self-esteem.
- PTSD – In cases of severe dysfunction, children can develop PTSD from traumatic events at home, including physical or emotional abuse, neglect, or exposure to intense conflict. Symptoms may include flashbacks, nightmares, and a persistent feeling of fear.
- Mood instability – Children of alcoholics often have difficulty understanding their own emotions due to a lack of emotional support or modeling at home. A result is emotional confusion and struggles with regulating emotions, featuring mood swings or emotional outbursts.
- Attachment issues – Being raised in an environment where love or attention is inconsistent or conditional can lead children to doubt their worth. When a parent’s focus is primarily on alcohol, children often feel rejected or unimportant, leading to a heightened fear of abandonment.
Behavioral impact
While not always apparent to the untrained eye, growing up in a home with alcoholic parents can lead to behavioral changes both during childhood and as an adult.3 A child may experience any number of these examples:
- Becoming “parentified” early in life – Taking on excessive responsibilities like raising younger siblings to compensate for their parent’s absence or dysfunction
- Feeling responsible for managing their parent’s emotions – Can lead to people-pleasing behaviors and difficulty setting boundaries in adulthood
- Difficulty controlling impulses – This can manifest in risky behaviors, difficulty with delayed gratification, or poor decision-making
- Isolating from peers – Avoiding social interactions due to shame or embarrassment over their home life, which can continue into adulthood, as they may struggle to seek support or connect with others
- Academic challenges – Difficulties concentrating, low educational achievement, or truancy
- Aggressive and antisocial tendencies – In more volatile homes, children may learn that aggression or hostility is a means of handling conflict
Impact on Relationships
As children of alcoholics try engaging in friendships and romantic relationships throughout life, they can encounter challenges that are different from others.4 They can face social difficulties due to a lack of trust or problems with authority figures.
Unstable family dynamics in a home impacted by alcoholism can result in impacts such as:
- Difficulty establishing healthy relationship boundaries due to years of managing chaotic or intrusive family dynamics
- Avoidance of emotional closeness due to fears of abandonment or mistrust
- Difficulty forming deep connections or avoiding intimacy as a means of protecting themselves from possible emotional pain
- Difficulty trusting others due to predictable parent behaviors like lying or not following through on promises and commitments
- Avoiding conflict or asserting themselves
- Addiction to chaos with a struggle to relax or trust the security of a stable environment, often unconsciously seeking out drama or instability in potential relationship partners or friends
Risk of Developing Alcohol Use Disorder
While some children of alcoholics may go on to avoid alcohol altogether, others may develop problematic drinking habits.
These children have an increased risk of developing substance use disorders themselves, partly due to genetic factors and partly from the learned behaviors surrounding coping with stress through substances. Sadly, children of people suffering from alcoholism are approximately four times more likely than other children to develop alcohol addiction.5
Developing Coping Mechanisms and Resilience
The effects of growing up with alcoholic parents can be long-lasting, but there are effective ways to heal and move forward. Therapy with professionals who understand the dynamics of substance abuse in families can be beneficial. Support groups, such as Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACoA), can also provide a space for individuals to connect with others who share similar experiences, building resilience and healthier coping mechanisms.
Getting the Help You Need for AUD
Understanding the impact of parental alcoholism on children is crucial for making positive change. If you are struggling with alcohol abuse or want to avoid problematic drinking in the future, hopefully, learning about the impacts will encourage you to seek support.
Realizing you need support to break the cycle and promote healing is a healthy first step toward recovery. If you decide to face your alcohol addiction and work toward sobriety, remote alcohol monitoring can help you incorporate accountability and restore a healthy home. A device like BACtrack View can help. With handheld technology, you can share records with your support system to reinforce healthy behaviors around drinking. Staying on track with recovery can be achievable.
Sources
- https://www.niaaa.nih.gov/alcohols-effects-health/alcohol-topics/alcohol-facts-and-statistics/consequences-families-united-states ↩︎
- https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC6436308/ ↩︎
- https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC6647416/ ↩︎
- https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC2583382/ ↩︎
- https://www.drugrehab.com/addiction/alcohol/effects-of-alcoholism-on-families/children-of-alcoholic-parents/ ↩︎
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