Child custody stipulations are a wonderful example of the infamous saying: “Always get it in writing.”
Why are stipulations so important to include in co-parenting plans?
Well, joint custody states give primary custodians almost exclusive control over key matters in their child’s upbringing, and they also give noncustodial parents a stronger voice in the process. Stipulations in co-parenting states help ensure that everyone is on the same page right from the start, thus reducing the need for expensive motions to enforce and modify these agreements.
Here are 6 FREE child custody stipulation example templates. Access them below:
Child Custody Stipulation Examples [Templates for Legal Use]
These general stipulations (which most divorce orders always include) specify:
- How parents will share or divide decision making power
- How parents will communicate with each other
- How parents will handle disagreements regarding the co-parenting plan
Keep reading to learn more about the language in each of the 6 custody stipulation templates.
1. Day-to-day parenting
Many people have radically different child-rearing philosophies.
Some parents shoot from the hip and don’t sweat the small stuff. Other parents rigidly plan daily activities and harshly punish children who step out of line.
Both outlooks have some pros and cons I won’t address in this post. Now, if both parents live under the same roof, these conflicting views on parenting generally balance each other out.
But when children bounce back and forth between apathetic parents and dictatorial ones, trouble is a-brewin’. To counteract this and help the child feel secure and grounded, both parents must commit to enforcing a set of consistent, agreed-upon rules.
So, most day-to-day parenting stipulations are rather straightforward. The rules for a child (let’s call him “Junior”) might include:
- Junior cannot watch R-rated movies, even at home, until he’s 16
- 9:00 curfew on school nights
- Cannot eat foods containing trans fats
- Cannot get a tattoo
2. Visitation and parenting time
Usually, pick-ups and drop-offs are volatile moments, but stipulations can defuse the bomb.
For example: When Dad picks up Junior, he pulls up to the curb and honks once. He doesn’t pull into the driveway and definitely doesn’t go to the door. Or, if Mom doesn’t want Dad to know where she lives, a neutral location stipulation may be a good idea.
For any parents concerned about privacy and safety: Keep in mind that most divorce and other family law orders include personal information, such as names and addresses. The court usually redacts such information upon request and if it’s clear there’s a good reason to do so. So, if this is the case, exchanges may take place at a McDonald’s, a CPS facility, or a police station parking lot.
Other stipulations regarding visitation and parenting time often include:
- A 24-hour change/cancellation notice requirement
- The right of first refusal for babysitting – Meaning if one parent is unable to care for the child during their designated parenting time and would otherwise hire a babysitter or leave the child with someone else, they must first offer the other parent the opportunity to care for the child before making other arrangements.
- The child’s right to dictate the visitation schedule – If Junior, for instance, doesn’t want to visit Dad’s house, Mom doesn’t push the matter, reasoning that she cannot forcibly put Junior in the car and take him to Dad’s house.
More on the last bullet point: Parents often want to deny visitation to the other parent, and use the child’s desire as an excuse (i.e. Mom wants to deny Dad’s visitation, and claims this is because Junior doesn’t want to stay with Dad). But most judges readily see this situation for what it is.
3. Travel and moving
Exchange issues trigger some of the most volatile moments between parents, and moves trigger many motions to modify. Most people relocate about 12 times during their lifetimes. So, at least one post-divorce move-away modification is almost inevitable.
The specific rules around travel and moving vary so significantly between states we won’t even try to address them. But these child custody stipulations generally include:
- Relocation limits. These provisions usually limit a child’s residence to the county where the divorce occurred and all contiguous counties. Listing the names of the counties is a better idea.
- Mandatory pre-move notifications
- Acceptable pick-up and drop-off backups, i.e. if Aunt Sally can assume these duties but Uncle Joe cannot.
- Two-parent approval for overseas travel
Some restrictions are more creative. For example, I have epilepsy and don’t drive. So, when my ex-wife and I divorced, the order stipulated that she must always drop off the children for visitation and pick them up afterwards.
Incidentally, that was also my way of restricting the children’s residence. If she always had pick-up and drop-off duty, she was very unlikely to move far away.
4. Dispute resolution
Disputes, like moves, are almost inevitable. Mothers and fathers almost always fight over kid-related issues.
But after a divorce, there’s no talking it out followed by making up, at least in most cases. Therefore, divorce orders often include dispute resolution stipulations, such as stairstep escalation.
Stairstep escalation refers to a structured, step-by-step process for resolving disagreements between co-parents – especially when informal communication breaks down.
Think of it like climbing a staircase: Each step represents a more formal or involved level of intervention, with the goal of resolving the issue at the lowest effective level before escalating further.
Here are the typical steps for dispute stipulations (starting with the least to most escalated step):
- Begin with texts or emails. These communications combine the speed of phone calls with the verifiability of written communication. If lawyers are on the case, add them to the message threads.
- Informal mediation with a reliable, knowledgeable, and neutral mutual friend or acquaintance is usually the next step.
- Reliable informal mediators made a commitment to serve in that capacity, usually when the order was signed.
- Knowledgeable informal mediators aren’t necessarily lawyers, but they know something about the legal process. Neutrality speaks for itself.
- Formal mediation, with or without a lawyer, is often the final dispute resolution stipulation.
- If the parties present an agreed relocation, pick-up/drop-off, or other modification, many judges approve these orders without holding hearings.
A lawyer must be involved in every dispute resolution phase, if nothing else to write up the modification order and present it to the court.
When I said “always get it in writing,” we meant always get it in OFFICIAL writing. Informal side-agreements are usually unenforceable in family courts.
5. Medical and dental care
Stipulations addressing medical and dental care often, from what I have seen as an attorney, remove the non-primary custodial parent’s freedom of choice. Usually, this parent unilaterally decides these matters. The other parent may give input, but not make the decision.
So, many divorce orders designate doctors and dentists, chosen by the primary custodial parent. The drawback is that when the kids change providers, perhaps because the insurance policy changed, a motion to modify may be necessary.
Similar stipulations often address matters like religious upbringing (Jewish, Christian, agnostic, etc.) and school attended.
6. BAC/alcohol consumption stipulations
Most child custody breathalyzer stipulations are a bit like motor vehicle IID stipulations.
An IID (ignition interlock device), sometimes called a “blow-n-go”, is a breathalyzer which a mechanic attaches to a vehicle’s ignition. Unless the driver provides a sample below a pre-set level, the vehicle won’t start.
While the vehicle is in motion, the driver must often provide random rolling samples upon demand. A single rolling failure or an excessive number of rolling refusals (the driver cannot safely pull over and provide a sample) disables the ignition, so the vehicle won’t restart.
If the ignition is disabled, the driver must have the vehicle towed to a certified IID mechanic who, with the court’s permission, resets the ignition. This process sounds expensive and bothersome, and it is generally expensive and bothersome.
Using a breathalyzer for child custody helps parents avoid this, and most child custody stipulations involving breathalyzers work basically the same way. The parent must provide a compliant (negative) result about an hour prior to exercising visitation. The parent must also provide “rolling samples” at random times.
In the event of an initial failure, a rolling failure, or excessive rolling refusals, the other parent usually has the right to collect the child on the spot and/or file an emergency order with the court.
This stipulation is most effective if the breathalyzer is used as part of a court-approved, remote alcohol monitoring system like BACtrack View – which includes recordings of breathalyzer tests, tamper-prevention measures, and the option to set randomized tests.
The bottom line on child custody stipulations
Child custody stipulations aren’t just legal formalities – they’re tools that protect children, reduce parental conflict, and make co-parenting more structured and fair.
From rules about daily routines and travel to BAC monitoring and dispute resolution, well-crafted stipulations bring clarity to situations that often get messy fast. They reduce misunderstandings, prevent manipulation, and most importantly, keep kids out of the middle.
Whether you’re navigating a new custody agreement or revising an old one, don’t rely on assumptions or informal promises. Spell it out. Get it in writing. Get it enforced. Because when everyone knows the rules, kids get to stay kids—and that’s the point.
Child Custody Stipulation Examples [Templates for Legal Use]
About The Author
