There is no exact formula on “how to win child custody.” However, understanding how the child custody process works – and how to prepare – will give you the best chance of success.
Now, before trial, the court will typically hold one or more pretrial conferences. While the number of pretrials is generally within the court’s discretion, some courts set specific requirements in their local rules. At these hearings, the judge will want to hear:
- A brief overview of the reasons behind your filing – such as changes in work schedules, the children’s activities, strained communication, substance abuse, or the child’s medical needs
- A clear and concise, two- to three-minute explanation of your position
Each party will have the opportunity to address the issues. During pretrial, the court may also offer services to assist the parties, including mediation, the appointment of a guardian ad litem, or counseling.
Once the pretrial process is complete, the Court will schedule the case for trial – the evidentiary hearing where both parties present testimony and evidence for the judge’s consideration.
Here are five tips to boost your chances for a favorable outcome in your trial.
1. Keep your introduction relevant
At the beginning of the trial, the court expects parties to present an introduction with clear, relevant information about the issues in dispute. Judges often become frustrated when parties wander off-topic or focus on unnecessary details.
So, during this introduction, stay focused on the factors that directly impact the case. While emotions naturally run high in custody matters, the court is less concerned with feelings and more concerned with the facts of the case. Relevant facts may include:
- Child’s age, health, and special needs – ensuring the child’s developmental, medical, and emotional needs are met
- Relationships – the child’s bond with each parent, siblings, and other significant family members
- Community ties – the child’s connections to home, school, friends, and community
- History of violence or abuse – including domestic violence, child abuse, or neglect
- Parental cooperation – each parent’s willingness to encourage and support the child’s relationship with the other parent
- Parental health – the mental, emotional, and physical health of each parent
- Home environment and stability – the ability of each parent to provide a safe, consistent, and supportive home, along with continuity in the child’s routine and education
- Practical considerations – such as parents’ work schedules, distance between homes, and transportation needs
It is important to remember that not every factor will apply in every custody case, and parents should not feel pressured to address each one.
For example, if there is no history of abuse, raising that issue unnecessarily will only distract the judge and weaken your presentation. Instead, focus on the factors that genuinely reflect your child’s circumstances and demonstrate why your proposed arrangement serves the child’s best interests.
You don’t generally need supporting documents for these introductory facts, which allows you to ease into your testimony. When discussing your relationship with your child, for instance, remember that the court already presumes you share a bond. It is usually unnecessary to submit photos of you and your child engaged in activities, as judges commonly see this from self-represented parties. If you believe photos are needed in light of specific allegations from the other parent, limit their use to a few minutes of testimony and only a small number of exhibits.
2. Use school records to demonstrate a child’s educational needs
If your child’s educational needs are at issue, it is critical to obtain and present school records such as report cards, attendance logs, and progress reports. These can often be accessed directly through the school’s website portal or requested from the school office.
While a parent may testify about these matters, supporting documentation from a neutral third party – like the school – significantly strengthens the case.
School records can provide valuable evidence such as:
- Which parent regularly handled school drop-offs
- Whether the child arrived on time
- Which days the child was absent and during whose parenting time
- Whether homework was consistently completed
These records can also be aligned with the parenting schedule to highlight patterns of responsibility and care (or lack thereof).
If necessary, a parent may subpoena school records directly from the district and request that a school representative testify at trial. Keep in mind, however, that obtaining documents can take several weeks or even months.
Likewise, subpoenas for witnesses must be issued well in advance to ensure they are legally valid and to give the witness adequate time to appear. Careful preparation on these points ensures that important educational evidence is admitted and given proper weight by the court.
3. Present medical records to demonstrate a child’s health needs
This same methodology should apply if the child’s medical needs are in dispute. A case focusing on a child’s medical needs is most common, but can quickly turn into a he-said she-said situation without concrete evidence. So, having the medical records and/or medical provider at trial will make your case more successful.
When requesting medical records either by a subpoena or in an informal nature, a waiver may be necessary by the custodial parent. While it is common for parents to obtain messages and records off of the patient portal, you will need to make sure it is a complete copy for purposes of the evidence rules. A parent will need to testify regarding where they got the records or messages, who is involved in the messages and if they are the full messages. The best practice is to get the records and/or communications from a subpoena since the full record is usually produced and certified by the records holder.
4. Remember: A parent’s mental or physical health is relevant in a custody case
The court has the authority – and frankly, the responsibility – to inquire into the mental and physical health of any parent seeking custody. This means that a parent’s medical and mental health records may be obtained and presented as evidence. However, you should generally not disclose medical conditions that do not affect parenting, such as routine optical, gynecological, or orthopedic issues.
Conversely, any condition that impairs a parent’s ability to care for a child is relevant.
Parents should be fully transparent about their conditions, including any prescribed medications, as omissions can undermine credibility. Being forthcoming is far better than facing unexpected challenges at trial. Also, demonstrating that you’re taking clear, proactive steps to cope with your condition – i.e., showing the judge you’re taking breathalyzer tests to prove sobriety, if you’re dealing with alcohol addiction – can go a long way in court.
If applicable, a parent may also present evidence of the other parent’s medical or mental health condition if it directly affects the child. This information can be obtained through discovery requests or by subpoenaing the records.
5. Present communications between you and your co-parent – but only with the proper context.
When parents aren’t able to cooperate or be civil with one another, one co-parent may present text messages, emails, or messages from parenting apps to demonstrate this breakdown in communication.
But when you present messages or calls as evidence in court, you must testify to the context of each message. The court will want to know:
- The type of communication (i.e. a text message)
- When the communication was sent or took place
- Who sent each message (i.e., blue bubble vs. gray bubble)
- Whether the messages represent a complete conversation – and that you aren’t leaving out any important context
Pay attention to details: The court may look at the phone number displayed at the top of the message, so any inappropriate or misleading contact names should be corrected. For example, if the message does not display the recipient’s number, consider removing the saved contact name to avoid disputes about who participated in the conversation.
How to win child custody? It all comes down to preparation
Before your trial
Although a custody trial may last only one day, preparation should begin weeks or even months in advance.
If you plan to present documents or call witnesses, subpoenas and discovery requests should be issued at the outset of the case. Courts in your jurisdiction may provide resources on how to issue a subpoena.
Courts typically issue rules or orders establishing deadlines for submitting anticipated exhibits and witness lists. It is essential to review these local rules or orders carefully. If you fail to submit or exchange your evidence on time, it may be excluded at trial.
The day of your trial
On the day of trial, arrive early and be fully prepared to present your case. Bring at least three copies of each piece of evidence:
- One for the court
- One for the opposing party
- One for any witnesses.
Remember that trial is your opportunity to present your position. Anything you fail to present or testify to during the trial generally cannot be introduced afterward. Once the trial concludes, you will not have the ability to submit additional evidence or make further arguments on the issues that were addressed.
Successfully presenting a custody case requires careful planning, attention to relevant factors, and factual testimony supported by evidence. By staying organized, following court procedures, and focusing on the child’s best interests, parents can effectively present their position and strengthen their case.
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