Frans de Waal, author of Chimpanzee Politics, once wrote: “Human morality is unthinkable without empathy.” If this is true, how can a legal document (something that can feel entirely devoid of empathy) attempt to define or enforce morality, especially in the context of divorce and custody?
Enter the morality clause: usually a few sentences, included in a divorce decree or custody agreement, that guide or restrict a parent’s personal conduct when children are present.
Some interesting background: The first morality clauses were used by Hollywood filmmakers and allowed studios to terminate actors’ contracts if they engaged in behavior deemed “immoral” or scandalous. By the late 1900s, these clauses migrated from employment and corporate contracts into family law as a way to help co-parents achieve a sense of uniformity between homes.
Today, morality clauses exist to promote stability within a child’s environment. Even though they appear legalistic, they necessarily touch on the deeply human experiences of building trust and accountability.
Here, we’ll dive into…
- The purpose of a morality clause
- How the clause functions in a legal agreement
- The implications of a morality clause for those overcoming alcohol and substance use
- Why empathy must remain central as the terms of morality clauses are being drafted, enforced, and experienced in real life
The goal is not to control a parent’s private life, but to create consistent environments in which children can thrive.”
What, exactly, is the purpose of a morality clause?
At its core, a morality clause is designed to promote consistency, safety, and healthy role modeling in a child’s life. It aims to minimize confusion and instability during a time when families are already adjusting to major change.
The specifics of the clause are entirely dependent on the parties involved. For example, a morality clause may…
- Restrict overnight guests when children are present
- Prohibit the use of illegal substances
- State a goal to decrease use of foul language when children are around
- Establish guidelines around alcohol consumption
Important note: The terms of the morality clause apply to all parties equally, so the child going from one parent to another can expect both parents to play by the same rules.
In many cases, morality clauses are temporary, as they are intended to provide structure while families transition into separate living. In others, they become a long-term safeguard that sets shared expectations between parents who may differ in their values or lifestyles.
In conducting family mediations for parenting plan amendments, I have found that the parents who have agreed to a morality clause from the beginning of their separation have an easier time understanding one another’s perspectives when disputes arise years later.
However, recent research has found that morality stipulations can fuel disputes over time – especially when one parent feels the clause is restricting their ability to date or parent. For these reasons, it is important that both parties feel comfortable with adding a morality clause into any legally binding document, and approach the entire idea with a forward-thinking approach.
A morality clause is primarily there to support the child – not to serve as a basis for reopening a can of worms every time there is a disagreement.”
How morality guidelines function in legal agreements
By definition, a clause is just one part of a larger document, and morality clauses are most often found in parenting plans, custody orders, or settlement agreements.
Either parent can request one, or a court might suggest the inclusion of a morality clause if there are specific concerns about a child’s exposure to things in a home environment that are illegal or not age-appropriate. Because morality clauses deal with personal conduct, precision in drafting is key. Vague language such as the requirement to “behave well” or “act appropriately” can lead to confusion and, oftentimes, invalidates the court’s ability to enforce the clause altogether.
Well-drafted morality clauses are articulate, measurable, and focused on the child’s best interests (the legal meaning of which varies by state). For instance, a clause might state that parents must refrain from consuming alcohol within eight hours of parenting time or avoid having unrelated overnight guests while the child is present.
A morality clause becomes enforceable once it’s approved by the court. If one parent believes the other has violated all or part of the morality clause, they can seek the court’s intervention.
In my experience, judges must be thoroughly convinced by clear evidence that the behavior in question has harmed or could harm the child’s welfare before they change anything related to visitation.
The bottom line? A morality clause is primarily there to support the child – not to serve as a basis for reopening a can of worms every time there is a disagreement.
Alcohol, substance use, morality clauses – and the need for empathy
Morality clauses sit at the intersection of law and human behavior, and that’s what makes them complicated.
When morality clauses involve alcohol or substance use, empathy becomes more than a virtue – it’s a necessity. Addiction and recovery are nuanced, with nearly one in every six American adults living with some kind of substance dependence. A parent who has struggled with alcohol or drug use will likely already face stigma, shame, and fear of losing trust or custody of their child.
So, without empathy, morality clauses can unintentionally reinforce those feelings – turning a tool of protection for the child into one of punishment for the parent. In resolving disputes over morality clauses, I have seen firsthand the importance of taking the attention off of so-called “problem behavior” and employing empathy to focus on what the parents would like the child to experience day-to-day.
Empathy shifts the focus from fault to safety and accountability. It means recognizing that recovery is not a single moment, but a process, and one that often requires support systems and a method of measuring progress.
Numerous parents use monitoring tools such as BACtrack View to demonstrate ongoing sobriety and to hold themselves personally accountable for complying with the terms they agreed to. Empathy also helps prevent misuse of morality clauses. It reminds all parties – lawyers, judges, and co-parents alike – that the goal is not to control a parent’s private life, but to create consistent environments in which children can thrive.
As Frans de Waal observed, morality itself depends on empathy. The same is true of any moral clause written into a legal agreement. When both empathy and determination are present, these provisions can help parents and children move forward with understanding, dignity, and the shared hope of a steadier future.
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