As a family law attorney specializing in child custody issues, there is one piece of advice – and in my experience, it is the most important piece of advice – that many clients don’t always seem to understand, or at least have a difficult time putting it into practice. That advice concerns the consequences of making false accusations against the other parent. Because the answer to a question I often get – “Can a parent lose custody for making false accusations?” is a hard yes.
So, no matter how tempted you are to paint your co-parent in a negative light – and stretch the truth in order to do so – don’t do it. It’s not worth the potential fallout.
What are the consequences of making false allegations in a custody dispute?
Can a parent lose custody for making false accusations? Yes. But the consequences reach far beyond that. Any type of false accusation made directly against the other parent in a custody dispute can greatly affect…
- The custody determination process
- The falsely accused parent
- The parent making the false accusations
- The child
- Any civil damages/financial penalties resulting from the fictitious statements
How false statements influence the custody determination process
When a spouse raises false allegations in a custody dispute, those allegations must be investigated, which takes time. Depending on the results, false allegations will likely be contested, which could require additional court hearings and other proceedings. All of this complicates and delays the process for putting in place a custody arrangement that is in the child’s best interest.
Now, in considering whether or how a parent’s false allegations will affect custody of the child, courts must consider the totality of the circumstances to determine what is in the child’s best interest. Just because a parent has falsely accused the other parent of wrongdoing or unfitness does not mean that a restriction or termination of custody is warranted. This depends on whether the false allegations have negatively affected the child such that a court may find a sufficient change of circumstances to warrant a modification of custody.
Real-life examples
For example, in a custody case in New York (J.F. v. D.F.), although the court determined that the mother had committed parental alienation (more on that below) by making critical comments about the father to the children, creating scheduling conflicts to interrupt the father’s time with the children, and attempting to alienate the children from the father, the mother’s conduct did not actually cause the children to reject the father. Thus, despite the mother’s behavior, the court did not find sufficient harm to justify restricting the mother’s primary custody of the children.
However, in a case in Louisiana (Masters v. Masters), in which the mother falsely accused the father of sexually abusing the child, the court commented on the nature of the false allegations and the effect they had on the child as a basis for restricting custody:
It takes no expert to realize that the resulting damage to the child is incalculable. A parent who will deliberately use such means to further selfish interests is acting in his or her own interests, and not in the child’s interest. Civilized people abhor and condemn sexual child abuse. Bringing false charges of parental sexual abuse of children, and the deliberate use of the children as pawns to try to validate the charges, is equally despicable and condemnable.“
The court held that because of the nature of the false allegations and the inherent harm such allegations caused to the child, there were sufficient circumstances to modify the mother’s custody of the child.
Consequences for the falsely accused parent
False allegations can negatively affect the legal rights of the accused. If the false allegations are successful, the parent unjustly accused could lose custody of the child permanently.
Even if the truth is revealed, the accused parent’s custody may have been restricted during the pendency of the investigation. During this time both parents may be easily distracted from effectively caring for the child. Regardless of the outcome, false accusations always lead to heightened animosity between the parties, which only further negatively affects the child.
The impact of false accusations on parents who make them
When a parent makes false accusations in a custody dispute and is discovered, it can negatively impact their own custody rights.
The court may consider how the false accusations affected the child and may restrict the custody rights of the accusing parent. Even if the court does not restrict the parent’s custody or visitation, the parent who was accused likely will be less willing to cooperate with the accusing parent on custody matters moving forward.
Also, the court now has reason to question the credibility of the accusing parent on other issues.
How false allegations can hurt your child
Depending on the nature of the allegations, they can have significantly and negatively impact children. In fact, there’s no better example of how false allegations negatively affect children than in the case of a parent who makes false statements about a child’s well-being – i.e. by demonstrating Munchausen syndrome by proxy (MSBP) or FDIA (fictitious disorder imposed on another).
In these cases, the parent may directly induce physical illness in the child, which can be harmful or place the child at risk. Even if the parent simply fabricates the child’s condition, the child may be subjected to unnecessary tests and invasive medical procedures. Even if the parent only falsely accuses the other parent of perpetrating the disorder, the child will likely suffer similar consequences upon the investigation of the false claims.
False allegations invariably have an emotional and psychological impact on the child, who likely will confront trust issues with both parents as a result. Also, the child’s normal struggle with guilt and loyalty issues when in the custody of each parent are only magnified when forced to reconcile false allegations made by one parent. To the extent that the child is involved in the parents’ conflict and the investigation and determination of the false allegations, the consequences for the child can be significant.
Civil damages and penalties
Consequences for making false allegations in a custody dispute can extend far beyond just the determination of custody between the parents.
In one of the most highly publicized cases involving false allegations in a custody dispute involving three children (Hayek v. Herron), a Colorado jury awarded a mother and her new fiancé more than $21 million after the father falsely claimed that the mother’s new fiancé sexually abused the children.
8 tips: How should you respond to false allegations made against you in a custody dispute?
If you are forced to deny or respond to false allegations made against you regarding your custody of your child, there are certain things you can do (and should not do) to protect your right to custody and to minimize the negative effect the false allegations may have on you and your child.
1. Get a child custody attorney.
Do not sign anything or take any legal action without obtaining the advice of a child custody attorney. Depending on the nature of the allegations, your child also may require an attorney.
2. Deny. Don’t debate.
If false allegations are raised against you, you may deny the allegations, of course, but do not debate the allegations with, or attempt to defend yourself directly to, the accuser. Your accuser has the heavy burden of proving the allegations, for which there likely is not substantial evidence. Take advantage of the required court procedures to defend against the allegations.
3. Don’t retaliate.
Being falsely accused of parental wrongdoings or neglect of your child can be extremely hurtful. You may be tempted to get even by retaliating with false claims of your own. But as this article has shown, regardless of the outcome, your child likely will suffer a variety of consequences as a result of your false allegations. It is not about you; it is about your child. Don’t retaliate.
4. Document everything.
If false allegations are raised, document every interaction between you and your child, and between your child and the other parent. Make a record of all custody and visitation dates, times, locations, activities, and persons who were present. Describe any notable occurrence (falls, illnesses, accidents, etc.). If the false allegations involve claims of sexual abuse, have your child evaluated by a medical doctor immediately.
5. Obtain medical records.
Obtain copies of your child’s existing medical records and be sure to obtain all new records for any medical treatments, procedures, or doctor visits that occur during your custody time.
6. Take pictures.
Be sure to take pictures of your child at the beginning and end of each custody or visitation period. Note any injuries, bruises, cuts, marks, lacerations, or contusions, when and how they occurred, and if or when they were treated.
7. Cooperate.
Cooperate with any required investigation of abuse or neglect allegations, but do not incriminate yourself. Abuse investigations are civil proceedings; anything you say can be used against you if criminal charges are ever brought.
8. Do not involve the child, if possible.
Depending on the nature of the allegations, try not to involve the child. Do not discuss the allegations with the child if it is not necessary. Never use the child as an intermediary to communicate with the other parent.
Digging deeper: Why do parents make false accusations in custody disputes?
If you are scratching your head right now, wondering why I would need to advise a client not to tell lies about the other parent – especially considering the severe consequences – I understand; I used to scratch my head, too.
But experience has taught me that there are many reasons why a parent might make false accusations against another parent in a custody dispute and why it is so often necessary to advise a good parent against it.
Here are three primary reasons why even good parents may make false accusations against another parent.
1. A parent’s love knows no bounds.
When I discuss child custody with my clients, I often hear my client say, “I would do anything for my child.” This is a natural sentiment for a parent and is commendable. Many parents should be willing to do more for their children. But I know that most parents who say this don’t mean it literally. What most parents mean is that they “would do anything for child that was in their child’s best interest.” As an attorney, it is my ethical duty to make sure my client understands this distinction.
There are some parents who mean, quite literally, that there is nothing they would not do to protect their custody of their child. And this may include knowingly making false accusations against the other parent in an effort to undermine the other parent’s relationship with the child and to gain an advantage with respect to visitation or custody of the child in a custody dispute.
This might include false allegations related to:
- Physical or emotional abuse of the child, such as:
- Physical violence or aggression
- Threats of violence
- Verbal assaults, insults, humiliation, or disparaging remarks
- Sexual misconduct perpetrated against the child, such as:
- Sexual contact
- Exposing the child to inappropriate sexual material
- Making sexual suggestions
- Invading the child’s privacy
- Neglect of the child, including:
- Abandonment
- Placing the child in danger
- Placing the child at risk of danger
- Failure to provide for the child’s physical, emotional, developmental, educational, or other needs
- Conduct by the other parent that negatively affects the child. For example:
- Drug or alcohol abuse
- Criminal activity
- Lifestyle choices
- Conduct by persons associated with the other parent that the other parent permits, such as by:
- Subsequent spouses or other family members
- Other persons residing in the household of the other parent
- Friends and associates of the other parent who are afforded access to the child
- Conduct or statements by the child, or other evidence that raises concern or suspicion about the other parent’s custody of the child, such as:
- Sudden or drastic changes in the child’s behavior, especially immediately prior to or subsequent to visitation or custody time with the other parent
- Physical marks or bruises on the child’s body
- Statements by the child
- Fears or concerns expressed by the child
- Refusal to participate in visitation with the other parent
- Sudden or drastic changes in school performance
If a parent literally says that they would knowingly falsely accuse the other parent of any such conduct in order to impact custody or visitation rights, then their attorney is obligated to advise them of the consequences of their actions, as well as to refuse to support or facilitate such false accusations.
If a parent does not literally mean that they would knowingly and purposefully lie about the conduct or condition of the other parent in order to affect custody of the child, an attorney may still need to advise the parent that there are limits to what they should we willing to allege against the other parent.
All parents must understand that even though they may raise allegations against the other parent with the purest intentions of protecting the child, any allegations, if false, may have negative consequences for the child and may affect the custody rights of the parent making the allegations.
2. A parent’s best intentions don’t always equate to a child’s best interests.
It is important for every parent to understand that raising allegations against the other parent, even if intended to protect the child, is likely to have some negative impact on the child, especially if the accusations are proven to be false.
There is no better example of the effect a parent making false allegations about the well-being of a child than in the case of a parent who perpetrates “Munchausen syndrome by proxy (MSBP)” or “fictitious disorder imposed on another (FDIA).” This is when a parent fabricates or induces illness in a child to gain attention for themselves, specifically by medical professionals.
Although the false allegations are not directed at the other parent – and although the parent may not have inflicted actual harm to the child or intended any harm to result – the very act of making the false allegations can have serious negative consequences for the child. In most cases, this is sufficient grounds for a court to remove the child from the custody of the parent.
Real-life examples
For example, in a case called In re M.M., a Tennessee court removed a child from the custody of a mother because the mother not only suffered from MSBP/FDIA and repeatedly made unsubstantiated medical claims about the child, but she also falsely accused the father of physical and sexual abuse of the child. The court found both reasons sufficient to revoke the mother’s custody.
It held that because of the mother’s diagnosis of MSBP/FDIA, “the minor child suffered emotional and medical neglect” and that the “mother’s mental-health condition place the minor child in persistent danger.” The court further held that the mother’s false allegations of abuse against the father “disrupt the relationship between the minor child and the father.”
Other courts have held that falsely accusing another parent of perpetrating MSBP/FDIA is a sufficient basis for restricting custody of the child from the parent making the false allegations.
In a 2025 case in Colorado called Mundt v. Gadziala, the mother falsely accused the father of drugging the child and perpetrating MSBP/FDIA against the child. Based on the mother’s false accusations, the father lost custody of the child. It was not until ten months later that the mother’s allegations against the father were determined to be false and the father was able to regain custody of the child.
Likewise, in Kohlstadt v. Richman, a Maryland court determined that the mother made false allegations of MSBP/FDIA against the father in their custody dispute and suspended the mother’s custody as a result.
Another concept involving false allegations in custody disputes is parental alienation (PA), which involves one parent systematically manipulating or influencing a child to develop unjustified hostility, fear, or resentment toward the other parent and ultimately to reject the other parent. Parental alienation might include:
- Convincing the child that the other parent does not love the child
- Telling the child that the other parent does not want to speak to the child (even though the other parent makes continued efforts to contact the child)
- Making the child believe that the other parent is abusive or neglectful to either the child or to the parent making the accusations
- Blaming the other parent for the parties’ divorce and the break-up of the family
- Punishing the child or making the child feel guilty for wanting to relate with the other parent
- Creating roadblocks for the relationship between the child and the other parent and blaming it on the other parent
While the behavior of the accusing parent is referred to as parental alienation, the resulting thoughts, behaviors, and responses of the child being manipulated is more specifically referred to as “Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS).” PAS can be somewhat controversial because it is not officially recognized as a valid mental disorder in the DSM-5-TR (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders).
However, many courts consider parental alienation behaviors in custody disputes and find that the consequences for the child may be sufficiently harmful to restrict the custody of the alienating parent.
It is often the parent who does not knowingly make false allegations against the other parent and who does not purposely attempt to sabotage the other parent’s relationship with the child who is most in need of advice about the consequences of their behavior.
3. The truth hurts.
It is often the parent who does not knowingly make false allegations against the other parent and who does not purposely attempt to sabotage the other parent’s relationship with the child who is most in need of advice about the consequences of their behavior.
Even parents who tell the truth about the other parent’s conduct – or simply express their honest thoughts and emotions about the negative affect the other parent is having on the child – can cause the parent to lose custody of the child if doing so interferes with the other parent’s custody or relationship with the child.
In any custody dispute, the court bases its decision on what is in the best interest of the child. It is widely accepted that when parents divorce, a child’s best interest is served by continuing to have a nurturing and loving relationship with each individual parent.
In fact, the custody laws in many states require a court to presume that custody with each parent is in the child’s best interest. It then becomes the burden of the parent who does not want to share equal custody of the child to prove that it is not in the child’s best interest for the other parent to have custody or visitation with the child. Sometimes this incentivizes a parent to make false accusations against the other parent.
However, even if a parent tells the truth by expressing that the other parent’s behavior and treatment of the child negatively affects the child, that parent can risk losing custody of the child. But why?
How telling the truth about a co-parent in court can backfire
The reason is that when a court determines custody between parents, one of the primary factors it considers is which parent will nurture and support the other parent’s relationship with the child. If it is in the child’s best interest to have a strong, stable, and consistent relationship in the custody of each parent, the court is more likely to award custody to the parent who is willing to facilitate and support the child’s relationship with the other parent.
But if a parent constantly disparages the other parent in front of – or directly to – the child, this can negatively interfere with the other parent’s relationship with the child… even if the custodial parent is telling the truth.
For example, it may be true that the other parent:
- Fails to participate in their custody time with the child because they struggle with alcohol use disorder
- Has a work schedule that makes it difficult to attend the child’s school functions
- Imposes stricter discipline on the child
- Exercise different religious or lifestyle choices that the parent or child does not agree with
- Is not as financially stable as the custodial parent
- Has difficulty expressing their emotions or showing affection with the child
- Has physical or mental incapacities that limit what he or she is able to do with the child.
Whatever the circumstances may be, if a parent’s statements, comments, or opinions about the circumstances or conditions of the other parent are not necessarily false but are critical or disparaging, or negatively impact the child’s perception of the other parent in a way that interferes with the other parent’s relationship with the child, the court may consider this in deciding which parent should have primary custody.
Rightfully so, I have had many clients ask if this means that they have to lie for the other parent when they fail to show up for visitation because they are intoxicated or have been incarcerated for drunk driving, domestic violence, or any other crime.
Likewise, if the child disagrees with the other parent or does not trust the other parent, must the custodial parent take the other parent’s side or support the other parent’s position so that they are being supportive? Must the custodial parent disguise the other parent’s flaws, exaggerate the other parent’s capabilities, or contradict the child’s perceptions of the other parent for the sake of nurturing and supporting the other parent’s relationship with the child? This would require the parent to make false statements about the other parent.
So, is a parent required to express false opinions to the child about the other parent as long as it supports the other parent’s relationship with the child?
The answer to all of these questions is “no.” A parent can never be required to adopt or express opinions about another parent that are false. Doing so could be just as harmful to the child as knowingly making false allegations of abuse.
What is required, however, is that the parent not take affirmative steps to disparage the other parent or behave in any way that would directly or indirectly interfere with the other parent’s rightful custody time with the child.
This can be a difficult distinction to make for a dedicated and frustrated custodial parent who is tired of making excuses for someone who is consistently absent, inconsiderate, or careless when it comes to satisfying the best interest of their child. That parent may be tempted to un-level the playing field by making a false allegation about the other parent.
But even if they don’t, it is critical for that parent to understand that if their behaviors, statements, or opinions – even though they are genuine and true – negatively affect the other parent’s custody rights, then expressing those behaviors or opinions to the child can have consequences for that parent’s custody of the child just as easily as if the parent knowingly and intentionally made false accusations against the other parent.
So, can a parent lose custody for making false accusations? The bottom line
Yes – a parent can lose custody for making false allegations in a custody dispute. Courts take these accusations seriously, particularly when they are knowingly false or when they harm the child’s emotional well-being or disrupt the child’s relationship with the other parent.
But even when allegations are true, parents must be careful about how they raise and discuss those concerns. Repeatedly disparaging or undermining the other parent in front of the child — even with factual complaints — can be viewed as interfering with the child’s relationship with that parent and may weigh against the accusing parent in a custody decision.
Ultimately, the court’s focus is always on the best interests of the child. If a parent’s actions – whether based on falsehoods or poorly handled truths – are found to manipulate, harm, or unfairly influence custody outcomes, the court may restrict or revoke their custodial rights. In severe cases, civil liability may also apply. The takeaway: Truth matters, but so does delivery. Approach all concerns with integrity, caution, and legal guidance to protect your custody rights.
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